Annoyance Thy Name Is Dib
by Red Witch
Summary: Dib wonders about Zim's next evil scheme. Gaz wonders why she puts up with Dib in the first place.


**Gaz blew up the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Invader Zim characters. This is just more madness out of my mind. MADNESS! **

**Annoyance Thy Name is Dib**

"And **that** Gaz is why we must always be **vigilant!"** Dib pointed to a chart. He had made up a huge presentation board and was giving Gaz a briefing in the living room. "Together we must constantly keep an eye on Zim! The fate of the Earth is in our hands! We alone stand on the brink of Armageddon! No…**Zim**ageddon! But with you by my side we can beat him! As a team we can accomplish **anything!** Two against the world Gaz! You and me! You and me! What do you say?"

"Why do I let you **live** here?" Gaz raised an eyebrow. "Seriously…**Why?**"

"We can't let up for even a **minute!**" Dib paced back and forth. "As we speak now Zim is plotting…evil plots and stuff! We have to plot counter plots to thwart his evil plots! And then make counter-counter plots to thwart his evil counter plots to thwart our plots to thwart **his** plots!"

"There has **got **to be a reason why I haven't kicked you out of the house by now," Gaz gave him a look. "Not like you or Dad can stop me."

"The plots Gaz! The plots that Zim…plots!" Dib gritted his teeth. "It makes me so MAD! IT INFURIATES ME! Doesn't it **infuriate** _you_?"

"Hmmm…" Gaz took out a pad and pen and started to make a list. "Kicking Dib Out of the House. Pros and Cons. Pro: I don't have to listen to his stupid voice anymore…."

"Oh he is **out there** Gaz," Dib had a crazed look in his eye as he looked out the window. "Always plotting! Plotting ways to destroy the Earth and do stuff! So we have to do stuff…To stop him from doing stuff…"

"Con: I'd probably have to listen to Dad talk about science whenever he gets home," Gaz wrote. "Pro in that situation: Dad is rarely home. Pro: Kicking Dib out of the house will give me a lot more time to myself. Con: There would be no one around to open cans and open jars for me. Invest in jar opening robot? Nah…Too much time and money to make that."

"In order to fight the enemy we must **think** like the enemy!" Dib paced back and forth. "In order to think like the enemy we must study the enemy! Then move into the enemy's house! Then wear the enemy's clothes! Then take him out for dinner and maybe a movie! On second thought the movie might be a little too much. Ice skating! Yes! That's **bette**r!"

"Pro: I'd probably get Dib's room if I kicked him out of the house," Gaz wrote. "Con: Dib's room sucks and is **smaller.** And most of his stuff isn't half as good as mine."

"We must always be vigilant! One false move! One slip in our defenses and it's **over!**" Dib shouted. "We must not let him come near this house! Don't give him a **single **opportunity to infiltrate our home! For if we let our guard down for one second he'll take advantage of that! Well not on **my** watch! I'd like to see Zim try and…"

DING DONG!

"Who could that be?" Dib blinked. He went into the next room to answer the door. "Yes can I…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"PREPARE YOURSELF FOR DESTRUCTION DIB STINK!" Zim was heard cackling.

"YAY! DESTRUCTION!" Gir was heard cheering. Then the sound of laser fire was heard in the next room.

"Pro: Fewer weirdoes coming to the house," Gaz wrote. "Con: Nothing interesting would happen when the cable TV goes out or I finish a video game."

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Dib ran by screaming. "HE'S HERE! THE ENEMY IS HERE!"

"MUAH HA HA HA HA!" Zim ran by blasting a laser.

"Pro: If I get Dib's room and stuff I could probably sell his stuff for a profit…" Gaz went on.

BOOM! BANG! ZAAAP! KABOOOM!

"Con: I probably wouldn't get **that** much money for his stuff," Gaz sighed as the house shook. "Knowing my luck it probably wouldn't be enough for a used video game."

BOOOM! ZAPPP!

"HEY WHERE DID YOU GET **THAT?**" Zim yelled. "DON'T POINT THAT THING AT ME!"

"HA! NOT SO BRAVE NOW ZIM WHEN YOU ENEMY ISN'T UNARMED ARE YOU?" Dib cackled. "LET'S SEE HOW YOU HANDLE THIS?"

"AAAAHHHH!" Zim screamed in pain.

"Pro: Not hear Dib whine about Zim or paranormal stuff anymore," Gaz went on. "Con: Probably end up hearing about science stuff from Dad. Pro: I can do whatever I want…Wait a minute. I do that **anyway**. But if I kicked Dib out I don't get to torture Dib. Put that in the Con list."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Zim ran by the couch.

"MUAH HA HA HA! DIE ALIEN SCUM DIE!" Dib laughed and ran by shooting an even bigger laser.

"Pro: Have more time with Dad if Dib was gone," Gaz wrote. "Con: Who am I kidding? I could be the only kid left on the planet and **still** Dad wouldn't spend any more time with me!" She crossed the last line out.

BOOOOOM!

"HEY! WATCH THE CEILING!" Dib yelled.

CRASH!

"Con: Eventually even **Dad **would figure out that Dib was gone and I'd get yelled at or blamed if Dib got horribly maimed on the streets," Gaz wrote. "Pro: It would take Dad at least a **year** to figure it out."

"WHAT THE HECK IS **THAT** IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR?" Zim was heard screaming.

"OH NO! DAD MUST HAVE LEFT ONE OF HIS EXPERIMENTS IN THE FRIDGE AGAIN! I **HATE** WHEN HE DOES THAT!" Dib yelled.

"Nice tentacles!" Gir shouted cheerfully.

"Addendum: If Dad **does** notice Dib is gone I can always say Dib ran away to join a haunted circus or something," Gaz thought. "Yeah he'd believe that." She wrote it down on the paper.

"RARRRRRR!"

"GIR! HELP ME GIR! DO SOMETHING!" Zim yelled. "GIR DON'T JUST STAND THERE EATING ICE CREAM! DO SOMETHING!"

"Oh yeah! I'm gonna get some whipped cream!" Gir said cheerfully.

"RARRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"HOW CAN THIS THING BE LASER PROOF?" Zim screamed.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Dib screamed as laser blasts were heard. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

"VERY PAINFULLY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Zim screamed.

"Con: No Dib means no one else to **blame **when stuff goes wrong or gets broken," Gaz wrote. "Con: No Dib means not blaming him for stealing money out of Dad's coat pockets and wallets. Need to steal money from Dad so I can buy games and occasionally eat food. See above. Con: No Dib means no one to force to do stuff for me. Con: No Dib means I have no one to beat up when I get annoyed. And let's face it, a **lot **of things besides Dib annoy me."

"AAAHHHH!" Both Zim and Dib screamed as a pair of grey tentacles shot out of the kitchen. The tentacles had them in their clutches and banged Zim and Dib around, occasionally hitting them against the wall and the floor.

"Although I must admit that Dib is the number **one **thing that annoys me," Gaz gritted her teeth.

"GAZ! HELP ME! HELP ME!" Dib screamed in agony.

"I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Zim screamed in pure pain.

"Con: No Dib means no one I can feel superior to in my own house…" Gaz wrote something down then took out pink gun of some kind. "And nothing makes a girl feel better than knowing she's smarter than her **brother**."

Gaz took aim and fired her weapon. Which turned out to be a flamethrower that shot out blue flame.

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Eep…" Dib coughed. The tentacles instantly disintegrated into ash. Dib and Zim, blackened and burnt collapsed on the floor.

"Con: No Dib means no target practice…" Gaz went back to writing on her pad. She looked at the list. "Crap. Good news for you Dib. You get to stay. I'm going into my room and try to make a doll that opens jars." She dropped the pad and pen and walked away.

"My squeedlysckootch…" Zim whined in agony as Dib crawled to the pad and pen on the floor.

"Why Dib Does Not Simply Run Away From Home and Join A Haunted Circus…" Dib weakly wrote on the pad of paper. "Pro…"


End file.
